Putting aside the well-rehearsed arguments about racial stereotypes and the fact that the latest season has been massively overhyped (thanks Sky), which is always apt to make be balk at something, there are at least seven reasons why I’m not watching Game of Thrones. They are, in no particular order, as follows:
- The evil, scheming queen who only cares about her children will continue to:
- be evil;
- be scheming;
- only care about her children.
- The difficult-to-read, scheming man with a weird quasi-Irish accent will continue to:
- be difficult-to-read;
- be scheming;
- have a weird quasi-Irish accent.
- The dark, driven, ruthless wannabe-king will continue to:
- The righteous queen with a court full of admirers, and who’s struggling with what it means to rule, will continue to:
- be righteous;
- have a court full of admirers;
- struggle with what it means to rule.
- The quick-witted, revenge-driven tomboy will continue to:
- be quick-witted;
- be revenge-driven;
- be a tomboy.
- The clever, world-weary drunkard will continue to:
- be clever;
- be world-weary;
- be frequently drunk.
- The noble female knight driven by honour will continue to:
- be noble;
- be female (how novel);
- be driven by honour.
Are you bored by the format of what I’ve written so far? If so, good. Now you have some inkling of how bored I am of Game of Thrones, which is populated not by characters but by caricatures. I don’t know whether this is the fault of George R. R. Martin (I haven’t read the books and I don’t intend to waste my time doing so (especially since they will apparently never end)) or of those who adapted it for screen. What I do know is that whoever’s responsible sure can string out the same old repetitive cycle of schemes, intrigue, and violence forever. And forever. And forever. Or until it stops making money. Whichever is sooner. Oh yes, and, of course, there’ll be the requisite thing-you-didn’t-see-coming. Holy shit! A thing I didn’t see coming! That makes all the hours I poured into watching these empty, unrealistic caricatures stabbing, shagging, and double-crossing each other worthwhile. For the love of the crows, give me proper well-rounded characters! Please. Is that too much to ask? Right, rant over. I’m off to watch something else. Something from the universe of entertainment that isn’t over-long, over-hyped, and full of caricatures.
 And if all my predictions here turn out to be wrong? Well, then, bully for those who make Game of Thrones.